“Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them.”
Margaret Atwood
Domestic abuse and sexual assault are a systemic problem in most societies. As a young women in my 20’s, I was politicized by my girlfriend’s older sister who was an ardent feminist. I went to my first Women Reclaim the Night in 1982 in Calgary and heard the radical anti-pornography Andrea Dworkin speak.
When I began to attend college shortly after, I started watching films and reading books that woke me up to the reality of what being a woman means in our patriarchal society. I participated in Take Back the Night marches in Vancouver as well.
In 2016 I took a Magazine Writing course with Roberta Staley at Douglas College. We had to pitch a story. Here’s what I wrote.
PITCH LETTER
Dear Mr. Stevenson,
Currently, sex education is up to the discretion of the schools and teachers. Not many people feel comfortable talking about sex to children or teens. A minority of parents don’t want sex education in schools at all. As a teacher, parent of a teenage boy, survivor of sexual assault and a writer, I would like qualified people who feel comfortable talking about sex to children and teens design and teach a curriculum. So I don’t have to.
I am pitching a story about the importance of having updated and mandated sex education in BC schools that includes consent issues, sexual assault and rape culture and specifically targets adolescent boys.
The pitch is below. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Rhonda Jesckey
THE PITCH
Someone Has To Talk To the Boys
about rape culture
Overhearing ten-year-old boys giggle about Santa raping his reindeer and “International Rape Day”, one could guess they were learning about such matters from the internet, peers or older siblings. Or perhaps, since rape culture is all over the news, the media in general.
From the Jian Ghomeshi trial to Roosh V espousing that wife rape is OK to rampant sexual harrassment and assault on campuses and within the military and RCMP; it appears that rape culture is a systemic problem. More women have come forward to report sex related crimes but the conviction rate is still abysmally low and the onus on women before and after any sexual assault. How can we hold men accountable and responsible? You have to get them when they are young.
Adults comfortable with the subject should be talking to children and teens. I would like to interview the following experts to get their input on how best to provide sex education to school children in BC.
SEX EDUCATION
As an early career substitute teacher in Vancouver, I was required to teach the “Feeling Yes, Feeling No” sex education resource to a primary class. The resource was available from the mid-’80s to the early ’90s and taught how to distinguish “good touches” from “bad touches”. I did not feel comfortable or competent to teach this subject matter.
GABOR MATE AND GORDON NEUFELD
Dr. Gabor Mate, a noted author and speaker posted an article on his blog called Jian Ghomeshi and the problem of narcissistic male rage, which stated, “Few men enact extreme hostility, but few are those who do not harbour anti-feminine aggression somewhere in their psyche.”
Mate studied ADD, oppositional defiance and ADHD which are on the rise, particularly in boys. All three conditions have poor impulse control in common.
Mate and Ph.D. Gordan Neufeld co-authored Hold On To Your Kids. Neufeld has worked with violent youth and trains educators. He wrote another book – Teenagers: A Natural History.
An interview with these men may reveal some unique solutions as they have reputations for unusual methods. What curriculum would they implement?
SALEEMA NOON
Saleema Noon is a local sex educator. Perhaps she can provide some insight as to why such a comprehensive resource is no longer available. Noon will come to your school and teach sex education, for a fee. Usually the Parent Advisory Council (PAC) of the school hires her. She likes to include parents in the conversations and has a sense of humour about the subject matter. Noon thinks by grade six and seven, children should be made aware of what sexual consent is.
THE WISE GUYZ
The Wise Guyz are a group of young men from the Calgary Sexual Health Centre Program. They talk to grade nine boys (who must get parental permission) about consent and other issues. On a You Tube video, the fact that the adolescent boys were exchanging ideas with slightly older males made for less awkwardness.
This should be the the template for a successful sexual education model for male teens across Canada!
To round out this article, two individuals who do not want sex education in the schools would also be interviewed.
POST SCRIPT
It didn’t surprise me in the least that the Canada’s world junior hockey players were acquitted. In sexual assault cases, women are scrutinized intensely and their behaviour and character are questioned instead of the other way around.
I do believe things can change but it starts with education. Researcher Brene Brown in Rising Strong says “scientists are discovering that what society says about men’s (and boys) social and emotional abilities is simply not true, and that cultivating their natural capacity for emotional attunement and relationships is critical to their overall well-being. But we can’t wait till they’re men to do so – we need to start when they are young.”
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